Avian Companions and Mexican Food

Spring 2011: It is a sunny day, a breeze blows, and malice hangs in the air...

Our story begins with me eating lunch, minding my own business, and attempting to enjoy one of the beautiful days that are so rare in Bellingham. I had gone to the Mexican food stand that operated by the Viking Union. The burrito on my plate was enormous, delicious looking, and piping hot. All in all, the day looked promising.

As I pulled the plastic fork from its wrapping I spotted something moving very quickly moving off to my left. Out of nowhere a massive bird of prey(Seagull) swooped down right by my face and made it's perch opposite me. As he landed I saw evil in his eyes. He looked at me hungrily, but I knew well that I was not to be his prey. Lazily, his beady eyes drifted towards the lump of glorious perfection that was my burrito.

"No." I said to him in an attempt to convey confidence and dominance. In response he ruffled his feathers and picked under his wing with his beak. Thinking that he might have been about to pull a piece I ducked quickly beneath the table. When I rose back up to look, he was a foot closer to the burrito, and had taken a threatening posture: wings folded at the sides, large beady eyes locked on me, and beak slightly upturned.

"That is my burrito! You stay away!" The seagull was unaffected by my shouts, and so I decided to take a more tactical approach. I waved my hands around like a madman at the seagull and shooed him away. He flew away and it seemed that I would be able to eat my burrito in peace. Once again I could feel the warmth of the sun and the lust for the burrito rising inside of me.

Sadly, it was not to be. Only four bites later I looked up to find a familiar foe staring back at me. Steve (by this point I had named him) stared at me hungry as ever, and slowly inched towards the burrito. It was clear that force would do nothing to deter his clumsy advances. It was time to try advanced reasoning. Perhaps we could meet in the middle.

"How about I give you a bite, and then you go away?" Steve quorked a response that I did not understand, but took as consent to the agreement. If I could have translated it, I'm guessing it actually said: I will take all of the burrito and feast upon it over your corpse, filthy human. 

I threw a piece of the burrito to him, and he gulped it down, like some kind of animal. It was disgusting to watch, there was no savoring, only brute force, and none of the respect that a truly delicious burrito deserves. "That's all you get, now shoo!" He did not move, instead he pecked at the table, all the while quorking for more.

There was only one option. I took a deep breath and prepared to shotgun what was left (About half the burrito). For those not familiar with the concept of shotgunning it is where one eats all the food at once... As I shotgunned, Steve stared in horror, quorking and watching as his precious burrito disappeared into my gullet.

Thirty seconds later, it was over. The battle had been won, and Steve skulked off angrily to another table in search of food. The lesson here is never feed a seagull.... They're heartless bitches...